Star Wars Distillations, Part 1: The Prequels

A few weeks back, I shared what I called a “Movie QR Code” for Blade Runner, that I’d made. After posting that, I thought about some of the other movies I wanted to do, thinking that maybe I’d get some interesting prints made for my office. Being a kid of the 80s, by far the most-influential films in my life have to be the Star Wars films, so I started with them. 

For the first installment, I did the much-anticipated but ultimately-disappointing prequels. However, to make it interesting, I’ve annotated the films as you can clearly recognize acts and scenes within the movie if you’re familiar with the plot. (If you click on an image, it will open larger. Also, forgive my handwriting).

First, we have The Phantom Menace.

Next up is Attack of the Clones.

And, finally, Revenge of the Sith.

Defunct Theme Parks From My Childhood, Part 1 – The Smiling Genie

I’m sure it’s happened to everyone: you’re lying in bed, late at night, trying to go to sleep and, suddenly, a random, fuzzy memory pops into your head. 

This happens to me a lot. Almost unnervingly so. Last week it was the time I randomly drove to Galveston in the middle of the night with my two college roommates so one of them could try to patch things up with his ex-girlfriend (spoiler alert: it didn’t work. But we did end up drinking beer on the beach until first light, so that was a bonus). 

Last night, it was a vague memory of a long-forgotten amusement park that we went to a couple of times as a kid. I didn’t remember much, except that it was in Corpus Christi, Texas, and that it had a genie on the sign. I struggled for a bit, rummaging around in the dungeons of my mind trying to remember what it was called, but all I could remember was that genie, beckoning passersby to stop for some amusements. 

Giving up, I rolled over and grabbed my iPhone off my nightstand and, one quick Google search later, I’d found the name: Magic Isles, along with some other interesting tidbits.

Magic Isles was only in existence for six short years—1978 to 1984, yet somehow we managed to visit it at least once if not twice (my memory is good, but not that good). Since we didn’t live in Corpus Christi, it would’ve had to have been on a trip to visit my mother’s father in the time between him moving from near Houston to South Texas, which would’ve been in the very early 80s, so the sliver of time where us going to Corpus fairly-regularly and Magic Isles being open was pretty narrow. My memories of Magic Isles are pretty limited: I only really remember the smiling genie on the sign. 

Luckily, someone online had saves this image of the logo. The sign was pretty similar, featuring the smiling (yet kind-of-unnerving) genie with the Magic Isles logotype below.

It was located at Flour Bluff Road and South Padre Island Drive. Luckily, Google Maps gives us a location via historical imagery:


It’s good to see that even though Magic Isles is gone, there’s still entertainment to be had: the location is now In the Game Funtrackers.

I also found a fairly-recent write-up in the Corpus Christi Caller-Times that gives a bit more background on the park, but basically it’s demise came down to our old frenemy, money.

Which seems to be a theme with small, regional parks. You don’t see very many local amusement parks anymore…most of them are owned by big corporations such as Six Flags. I kind of miss the days that you could go to a poorly-maintained local park and risk life-and-limb to have a thrill. The closest you get now are the parking lot carnivals that pop-up at dying malls on occasion, but I always feel like those are a little too-unmaintained as they’re moved town-to-town regularly, like a WKRP disc jockey.

If you’re interested in other out-of-business theme parks, I suggest perusing the excellent Defunctland on Youtube.

Photos from Pre-War* Europe

*Because we unfortunately have to specify which war this concerns, these are photos from prior to World War II

Before the Jet Age, traveling from the United States to Europe was a big deal. It usually involved a long voyage via ocean liner or several short airplane hops from New York to Newfoundland to Ireland to London and onward. The continent itself was recovering from the First World War, but the sense of dread of the upcoming World War II must have been in the air. 

In the days before digital cameras, smartphones and Instagram, people still took photos to document their experiences…they just didn’t have a way to share with the world. So, in most cases, these snapshots languished in albums tucked away in bookcases, shoeboxes on the top shelf of closets or envelopes in the back of desk drawers, only seen on occasion and rarely by anyone but the possessor. 

Several years ago, at the estate sale of Mrs. D.K. Caldwell of my hometown, Tyler, Texas, I came across a small collection of these forgotten photos from pre-War Europe.

Side note: D.K. Caldwell was a businessman who started a small zoo in his backyard in the late 1940s that eventually grew into the present-day Caldwell Zoo

Some of these photos are pretty amazing, so I’ve decided to share them over the coming weeks to give them the exposure that they never had.

If a note is written on the back of any photo, I’ve included it as the caption.

Fascist Girl Scouts
Fascisti Girl Scouts

Unfortunately, I don’t know much about the above photo except that it does depict what the note on the back states. An interesting Wikipedia article on Italian Fascist scouts and youth groups can be found here.

The following two photos, however, are of the Colosseum in Rome. The first seems to depict either archaeologists or grave robbers…your guess is as good as mine. 

Make Believe, IN SPACE!!!

When I was a kid, I had a vivid imagination. As, I suppose, most kids do. Except for the particularly dull ones. 

One of my favorite things to imaging was spaceships. Fueled by a steady diet of late 70s-early 80s science fiction (Star WarsBattlestar GalacticaBuck Rogers!) along with the optimism of the early days of NASA’s shuttle program (“we’ll be sending astronauts into space weekly and a moonbase is only years away” was the promise), I loved imaging space-based stories of distant planets, their bizarre denizens and the starships that would take us to meet them. 

I thought of these imaginary storylines and vehicles again over the weekend, as SpaceX made their first manned launch to the International Space Station (we still don’t have that moonbase, but we do have a space station!). This is, hopefully, the first step for private enterprise to pick up where NASA gave up on space exploration. Hell, Elon Musk even imagined a starship and is building it. 

But just because I thought of these imaginary interstellar ships again over the weekend doesn’t mean that I haven’t thought of them since I was an awkward little kid growing up East Texas…I actually think about imaginary space ships on a regular basis. 

One of my favorite sites to peruse is Concept Ships, a site filled with user-submitted spaceships. Users with much-better artistic talent than myself (seriously, you’ve seen the limits of my sketching skills). Some of these are so good, that I yearn to see them on TV or in a movie, just to see the adventures that they are engaged in.

I also regularly flip through the ImaginaryStarships subreddit. It’s strangely-reassuring to see that I’m not the only one that imagines spaceships on occasion. 

However, my new favorite place to see imagined spaceships is the Instagram feed of Eric Geusz, more popularly known as spacegoose. His specialty is taking everyday objects and reimagining them as spaceships (not unlike how, as a kid, I’d imagine the TV remote as a starcruiser or my Bic pen as a rocket).

I’m in awe of his abilities and creativity:



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Maybe one day, I’ll have the artistic talent to share my own imaginings…

On Texas Courthouses, and the Loss Thereof

A while back, I posted “Greetings from Austin“, an introductory article on the souvenir postcard booklet from 1930s Austin, Texas. One of the cards features a view of the PWA Moderne-style Travis County Courthouse:

I have to say, PWA Moderne is one of my favorite architectural styles. Descended from Art Deco, to me it signifies the optimistic interbellum years between the (first two, hopefully) World Wars. Also, it’s closely-related to another of my favorite, Zigzag Moderne, as shown in this shot of the T&P Station in Fort Worth, Texas:

Curious about the Travis County Courthouse, I had to check if it was still standing, which it is (Google Streetview to the rescue!)

Which is fortunate, as Texas counties have a nasty habit of tearing down old courthouses to replace them with monstrosities.

Some examples:

Austin County replaced this lovely old building:

With this garbage:

Brazos County took down this:

In favor of this bit of misfortune:

Galveston County got rid of this:

In favor of whatever is going on here:

And in my hometown of Tyler, Smith County thought this grand old edifice was not worth keeping around:

And tore it down in favor of this horrendousness:

Some counties do it right, however; they keep the old building around for historical reasons while moving the functions of the court to a newer building.

For example, my current county, Collin, still has the old courthouse:

(which, admittedly, isn’t very attractive)

But they’ve since moved the courts and related functions to this bit of weirdness:

Dallas County kept around “Old Red” as a museum:

But did replace it with whatever this is :

Even Travis County is building a new building rather than tearing down their old courthouse:

While a striking building, it just doesn’t have that je ne sais quoi that makes a courthouse a courthouse. To me, this looks like another generic office building. But I’m not an architect, so what do I know?

If you’re interested in Texas courthouses, there’s a whole website that documents all 254 of them at Go visit and take a look at some lovely buildings along with a fair-helping of architectural misadventures.

Blade Runner, Distilled

I recently rewatched one of my favorite movies, Blade Runner, after reading Chris Noessel’s series about the UI/UX experience within the film at his excellent site, Sci-fi Interfaces. It had been a few years since I’d last watched it and this was my first time to view it in 4K. The film is sumptuous and the UHD transfer is magnificent.

In fact, my only complaint about Ridley Scott’s masterpiece is that it doesn’t actually feature anyone running on blades. 

A lot of articles have been written about this film. Besides the aforementioned critiques of the various technology-human interactions (cybernetics) in the film, essays have been written on the “Tears in the Rain” soliloquy,  the cutting-edge (at the time) score by Vangelis, the impact of the design on the science fiction genre and even the choice of typography.

So, that said, there’s not a lot to talk about when it comes to the film that hasn’t been covered by more-insightful and better writers than myself. But I wanted to show my appreciation for this film somehow, so I started thinking. Then I remembered that several years ago, I’d built an app that would take a film, distill it down to its individual frames as color-averaged pixels and spit out a image file of these, allowing you to view the color environment of the movie in one distinct image.

So, dusting off my code from my GitHub repository (very rough code, might I add), I fired it up in Visual Studio, re-familiarized myself with how it worked, and built a Blade Runner image. As I recall, I first built this process before I learned about Movie Barcodes, which is a similar process that arranges each frame in a vertical sequence, so I guess maybe these are “movie QR codes”?

At any rate, here’s the QR code for Blade Runner:

Blade Runner

And, just for fun, here’s the sequel, Blade Runner 2049:

Blade Runner 2049

How Big Is ________?

Note: It’s Memorial Day weekend here in the States, so I’m reposting an article that originally ran way back in 2011 on my photography blog rather than creating new content.

I was going over photos from our latest Vegas trip the other night, pondering on how I never seem to make it to every place I want to go when I’m out there in the desert and how I always think “I’ll make it there next time”, then never do.  Part of the problem with trying to make it everywhere you want to go in Vegas is the sheer  size of The Strip, which is where we usually confine ourselves to while visiting the gambling Mecca.

Anyone whose ever been to Las Vegas knows that everything is further than you think it is.  The size of the hotels are deceiving…more than once a day do you think “Oh, The Wynn?  It’s just right there”, then end up walking 45 minutes to actually get “there”. People forget that, because of the way the land was platted back in the day, the largest resorts occupy a full block.  And a full block on Las Vegas Boulevard fronts a quarter mile along the road.

Since the largest of the resorts have over 3,000 rooms, everything is outsized, though you have to give the architects credit in using optical trickery to try to bring everything down to a human scale on some of the buildings.  For instance, The Bellagio has 3,933 rooms, most of which are in its main tower:

Now, count the floors.  I came up with roughly sixteen.  Not that big, eh?  Wrong.  It’s actually 32 stories tall, but uses a “One Window, Four Rooms” architectural trick to make it seem smaller (you can read more about it here, along with other Vegas examples).  In addition, the lake in front of the hotel–home of the famous fountains–is 9 acres in area, giving the building a nice setback to help “shrink” it.

As you can see, things along The Strip are really massive.  But I wanted to know how massive The Strip is compared to something I know well, so I decided to compare its area with that of my neighborhood.  So I popped over to MapFrappe, which lets you outline things in one Google Map and overlay it in another, and go to work.

I outlined The Strip corridor along its traditional boundaries–from Sahara Avenue in the north to Russell Road in the south.  For the east and west boundaries, I used the extent of the back of the lots of the various resorts.  This covered all the land from the recently-closed Sahara Hotel and Casino to the Mandalay Bay.  Then I overlaid it on the Addison, Texas area:

It nicely fits between Spring Valley Road and Frankford Road–just about four miles!  So, no wonder it takes so long to walk anywhere on The Strip (and the 100 degree-plus summer heat doesn’t help!)

Of course, I couldn’t stop there…I had to compare the sizes of lots of things.  For instance, here’s the main campus (excluding Research Park, the Bush Presidential Library and Easterwood Airport) of my alma mater, Texas A&M University, superimposed over central Austin, Texas–home of A&M’s rival the University of Texas (it’s the area clustered around the red-roofed building):

And here’s Rome’s Colosseum compared to the Dallas Cowboys’ stadium:

Here’s Manhattan Island overlaid Houston:

Here’s Beijing’s Forbidden City overlaid on the Vatican:

Back to my home state of Texas…growing up here, you’re taught that Texas is big, but you don’t really get a good idea of just how big until you compare it to other places:


So, yeah, Texas is pretty big.  Interestingly, the longest dimension of the state is from the corner of the Panhandle where the border touches Oklahoma and New Mexico to the tip of state at the mouth of the Rio Grande–a distance of 796 miles.  Or, more succinctly, you could fly from that corner and be in any of the places within this circle quicker than you’d be to Brownsville:

Interestingly, the size of Texas means that people in Texarkana are closer to Chicago than El Paso, Houstonians are closer to Mobile, Alabama than Amarillo, people in Brownsville are closer to Mexico City than Dallas and El Paso residents are closer to Las Vegas, where this post started, than to Dallas.

Bonus fact:  The tiny Texas Panhandle town of Dalhart is closer to six other state capitals than its own: Santa Fe, NM; Denver, CO; Topeka, KS; Oklahoma City, OK; Lincoln, NE; and Cheyenne, WY.

Also, you can view my Vegas photos here.

Bonus:  Here’s the Great Pyramid overlaid on The Luxor:

Looking for the Lost

It’s 1979. In the midst of the malaise of the Carter Administration, the Dallas Cowboys are two years removed from their second Super Bowl victory and are at the height of their reign as “America’s Team”.

In attempt to capitalize on the popularity of The ‘Boys, a vanity film is put into production: Squezze Play.

(Not to be confused with 1979’s correctly-spelled “Squeeze Play!“)

This movie has haunted me for years for silly reasons. Back in the day (what a vague term!), in my hometown of Tyler, Texas, we’d go out to Bennigan’s (RIP) for drinks and, once the bar closed, we’d take our hungered selves to the local Whataburger for late night breakfast tacos. Hanging in the location we frequented was a movie poster for a film we’d never heard of and were always unsure of why it was hanging there. We’d remark on the questionable spelling of “squeeze” (was it pronounced correctly or was it actually “squezzay”?).

Starring people you’ve probably heard of (assuming you’re a Dallas Cowboys fan), Hollywood Henderson, Too Tall Jones, Jay Saldi and Drew Pearson; along with people you haven’t heard of, Dawn Chapman, Gary Vazza and Eddie Thomas, the film was a strange mystery.

Eventually, we stopped going to Bennigan’s and Whataburger…our little drinking gang moved on, got married and grew up. I forgot about “Squezze Play” until a few months ago when I was at my local 7-11 here in the far northern suburbs of Dallas (practically Oklahoma). Waiting in line, I noticed that the guy in front of me looked remarkably like an older Ed “Too Tall” Jones. Knowing that he lives in the area and that this fellow customer was wearing an NFL Players Association hat and that he got into a Mercedes G-Wagen with a Dallas Cowboys decal on the back window when he left, I’m 98% certain it was, in fact, Too Tall Jones. Getting into my car (decidedly not a G-Wagen), I suddenly remembered “Squezze Play” and regretted not taking the opportunity to ask him about it.

I later mentioned this occurence to my brother and the kind of forgot about it.

Until earlier this week. My brother randomly texted me with a link to an old UPI story about the producer, Bill Chaffin, getting convicted of fraud for selling securities to finance the film. Further research led me to Chaffin’s site and it appears that he became a motivational speaker after serving his prison sentence (note that the endorsement is from Nextel, which ceased to exist in 2005). I submitted a question asking about the film on that site’s contact page, but have not heard back.

I also found this clipping from a 1979 Irving Daily News issue that highlights the film’s premier at Texas Stadium (RIP).

Part of my curiosity about this film is wanting to know what the plot is. Neither the poster nor the press clipping give any information beyond letting us know that their style does not including “backing down”.

The film’s plot synopsis on the IMDB is an indictment of the unprofessionalism of the cast and crew rather than the actual story of the film:

Troubled production starring four prominent Dallas Cowboys in the late 70s: Jay Saldi, Drew Pearson, Thomas Henderson and Ed Jones. Barely screened around Texas. In the words of director Anthony Lanza: “It was a bad movie, just a bad movie. It had four Dallas Cowboys in it. At the time, they were very popular. It had two or three people that were starlets that were just starting out, didn’t really have any background, didn’t want to be told what to do or how should I direct them and the action. It was just very unprofessional, and I didn’t enjoy putting that together at all.”

That the move was “barely screened around Texas” and there is scant information on the web about it, I’m afraid that this is an example of a lost film. Occasionally, lost films are rediscovered…the most-famous recent example is the 1980 short “Black Angel“, shown around Europe before “The Empire Strikes Back”, it disappeared for decades and it was assumed that no prints existed until 2011 when an archivist found a print in the Universal Studios collection and was subsequently restored and re-released.

Unfortunately, I don’t think there will be a rediscovery of “Squezze Play”. Without the backing of a major studio that might’ve squirreled away a copy or two in a climate controlled archive, any print that exists has probably rotted away into oblivion on a forgotten shelf in a garage or attic. That said, I continue to hold out hope that one day a print will be rediscovered and shared with the world. Or at least with me.

Cleaning Windows

I’ll admit it…I’m kind of a messy person. My desk is covered with various tools, gadgets, opened and unopened mail, receipts and whatnot. In my house, it’s okay to drape your jacket over the back of the easy chair rather than hanging it in the closet. And maybe the dishes don’t get done right after dinner. We’re not gross, unclean people like you’d see on Hoarders, just slightly messy, have-a-lot-of-things-going-on people. 

There is, however, one place that I like to keep pristine. Unfortunately, it’s in the nerdy, digital realm…my Windows desktop. I like there to be no icons, just the background and the Recycle Bin:


To achieve this, I periodically minimize all windows, select any detritus that’s gathered and drag it to the Recycle Bin. 


Since I don’t consciously ever save anything to the desktop, the only things that gather there are shortcuts “helpfully” created when an application is installed. While some installers nicely ask you if you want to create a desktop shortcut, in my experience, these are pretty rare. Most just plop one down there and make themselves at home.

Keeping up with this virtual cleaning is a manual task, and while it doesn’t take but a few seconds at most, it’s still something that I have to do. 

So, while the world has been obsessed with keeping meatspace clean due to COVID-19, I decided to come up with a way to keep my virtual space clean automatically, because I’m both nerdy and lazy.

So, introducing ShortcutCleaner—a small program that lives in your system tray and watches for shortcuts to be created on the desktop, then quietly whisks them away into nothingness.

You can install it by going to the release page on GitHub, downloading the .msi file and running.

If you need a deeper dive in installing (i.e. you run into issues with Window disallowing install because of Windows Defender SmartScreen), take a look at my post on the ExifViewer I built.

Now for the nerdy part: a breakdown of how the code works. So exciting!

First, we do some boilerplate Visual Studio C# stuff when the program starts to instantiate our main form

Application.Run(new formMain());

When formMain() is instantiated, we go ahead an declare a few class properties to get started:

 [DllImport("Shell32.dll", CharSet = CharSet.Auto, SetLastError = true)]
        private static extern void SHChangeNotify(uint wEventId, uint uFlags, IntPtr dwItem1, IntPtr dwItem2);

        public const int SHCNE_ASSOCCHANGED = 0x8000000;
        public const int SHCNF_IDLIST = 0;
        public string commonPath;
        public string specialPath;

DllImport does what it says on the box: it imports shell32.dll into the project so we can access some low-level Windows functionality. In this case, we want to be able to force Windows to refresh the desktop after we’ve cleaned it…otherwise the shortcuts will be logically deleted, but they might hang around on the desktop until Windows does some automated housecleaning. And once we’ve imported the .dll, we can go ahead and declare the SHChangeNotify function and associated constants, which will actually do the refresh. Finally, we define a couple of class-level variables to hold the two paths for the Windows desktop. (Yes, there are two paths in Windows…the desktop for all users and the desktop specific to the currently logged-in user).

 private void formMain_Load(object sender, EventArgs e)
            commonPath = Environment.GetFolderPath(Environment.SpecialFolder.CommonDesktopDirectory);
            specialPath = Environment.GetFolderPath(Environment.SpecialFolder.Desktop);
            fileSystemWatcher1.Path = commonPath;
            fileSystemWatcher2.Path = specialPath;
            this.ShowInTaskbar = false;

Next, we load formMain(). We set the two previsouly-mentioned desktop paths, then we instantiate two fileSystemWatcher objects. These are built-in components in .NET that will watch a specified folder for changes. Since we have two paths, we need to fileSystemWatchers. Since we want this utility to only live in the system tray, we tell the application to not be shown in the taskbar. Finally, on load, we call our function that actually does the cleaning twice, once for each of the watched paths.

private void loadClean(string cleanPath)
            string checkEx = @".lnk";

            foreach (string fileName in Directory.GetFiles(cleanPath))
                string extension = Path.GetExtension(fileName);
                if (extension == checkEx)

loadClean(), called at startup, simply takes the specified path as an argument and loops through all the files at that path. Since we want to delete shortcuts, we look for files with the extension “.lnk”. If we find one, we delete it.

 private void fileSystemWatcher1_Created(object sender, FileSystemEventArgs e)

        private void fileSystemWatcher2_Created(object sender, FileSystemEventArgs e)

Our two fileSystemWatchers are the same. If a file is created in the object’s path, we call the clean() function with the file’s full path as the argument.

private void clean(string cleanPath)
            string checkEx = @".lnk";

            string extension = Path.GetExtension(cleanPath);
            if (extension == checkEx)

            SHChangeNotify(SHCNE_ASSOCCHANGED, SHCNF_IDLIST, IntPtr.Zero, IntPtr.Zero);

clean() is slightly different than loadClean() in that we don’t need to iterate through all the files in a given path since we know the relevant filename from invocation. In this function, we simple check if the extension is “.lnk” and delete it. Before we delete, however, we let the program’s execution thread sleep for two seconds to give Window’s time to complete creating the shortcut, otherwise our application might not be able to access the file as it will be locked during the write process. Finally, we call the SHChangeNotify function declared earlier to force Windows to refresh the desktop to ensure that the now-deleted shortcut icons are no longer visible to the user.

All-in-all, it’s a pretty small application and doesn’t use a lot of memory and was pretty simple to implement in only a few minutes. If you want to examine the source code closer, by all means take a look at it on GitHub. if you find any issues, log it on the GitHub repository or shoot me an email at

A Perfectly Cromulent Post

Back in the 80s, HBO had a series called Not Necessarily the Newswhich featured a pre-The Onion satirical take on the news (they really had it in for Reagan!). While my young mind could appreciate some of the of-the-day news parodies, my favorite segment was always Rich Hall’s “Sniglets”, where he would teach us new vocabulary, or “any word that doesn’t appear in the dictionary, but should”. Some of my favorites:

Brattled (brat’ uld) – adj. The unsettling feeling, at a stoplight, that the busload of kids that just pulled up beside you is making fun of you.

Carperpetuation (kar’ pur pet u a shun) – n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

Exaspirin (eks as’ prin) – n. Any bottle of pain reliever with an impossible-to-remove cotton wad at the top.

Genderplex – n. The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g. turtles and tortoises).

Musquirt (mus’ kwirt) – n. The water that comes out of the initial squirts of a squeeze mustard bottle.

Sirlines (sir’ lines) – n. The lines on a grilled steak.

Occasionally, my family and I still use some of these words. “Genderplex”, I know for certain, comes up semi-regularly. 

Being a fan of made-up words, I was pleased to recently come across This Word Does Not Exist, a site that uses the GPT-2 machine learning model to create and define new words. The results, in a lot of cases, are surprisingly-good. Some of my favorites I’ve discovered so far:

kingsnoodleI can almost imagine walking the narrow alleyways of the Shuk in Old Jerusalem, looking for the best wares from the various kingsnoodles…

charminiumNot entirely sure what candles and clockworks need a defensive liquid for, but who knows?

Anything for attention!


I propose that this becomes a real word. I know so many lumberboats and the mental image of an actual boat weighed down with lumber, slowly trudging along a river pretty much describes them perfectly.


Can’t decide if getting the sexticket to a boxing match is a good or bad thing…

cuddleroomDo you cuddle with loved ones in a cuddleroom? Or is it so strangers can hold “cuddle parties“?

douchebarI think the Urban Dictionary’s definition(s) of “Douchebar” is more in line with what I had in mind:

Douche Bar Douche Bar